Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
