Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
