Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
