I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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