She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I have already put on my inside pants.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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