so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Say something about gay babies.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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