I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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