guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
