I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
