brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
