Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
