How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
