He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I could make wine with my vomit
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
