I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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