I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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