Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it penis luge time yet?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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