he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
