Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
