I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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