i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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