I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
