dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
