If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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