It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
