I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
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I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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