If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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