but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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