I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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