We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
