I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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