is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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