U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
