i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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