Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
