Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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