Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize