At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
