You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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