Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
