just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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