Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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