I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
