You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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