Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
should my penis look like a turkey
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
