Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We had to coat check the pizza.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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