she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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