Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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