ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
