How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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