Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
