Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
