i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
