Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
