The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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