he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
