All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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