No subtext here. People are naked.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
