Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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