it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
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