bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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