He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The beers last night were like the tears from god
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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