i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
